the one about "to be"

The verb "to be" terrifies me.

I try to use it as little as possible. And will avoid it at all costs in this post, unless talking directly about it.

When I worked for a literary agent, he informed me that all uses of the verb "to be" constituted passive voice. He recommended I read The Elements of Style. (Yes, co-authored by E.B. White of Charlotte's Web and everyone's childhood.) I did, because I planned to become the Next Great American Author. It influenced my future writing quite heavily.

Turned out I depended heavily on the verb "to be" and needed to eliminate it from my writing, both scholarly and creative.

To this day it strikes fear in my heart. It does make writing sound boring, germane, and uninspired. Undereducated, perhaps. I worked hard to avoid it, and my already-decent grades remained that way. But sometimes I cannot avoid it. Sometimes avoiding it sounds ridiculous, or unclear. Simple sentences, such as, "Her shirt is green," substituted with "Her shirt appeared green," falter with unnecessary weight.

Last weekend I wrote a paper that didn't want to come out at all. I find it harder to avoid "to be" when in a writing rut. I depend on it. Or everything just sounds awful anyway, so I might as well use the "to be" crutch.

Husband and I proofread each other's papers prior to handing them in. He gives me concrete comments about developing points and including the information I discovered near the conclusion in earlier portions of the paper. He helps me out. Last winter, he had to submit a paper for which the professor would dock one third of a letter grade for each use of the verb "to be." Husband depends on the verb "to be" quite heavily, and had written a biographical sketch of an important figure in his field.  "To be" figures predominantly in those. Rearranging sentences to avoid that verb nearly propelled him into baldness. Thankfully my masterful verb skills prolonged his time with a full head of hair, but not without some strife.

His professor suggested he submit the paper for publication.

The story has a moral: The cranial exercise of avoiding "to be" strengthens your brain and your writing muscles, kids. You'll sound smart, too.  Verbs are neat.